After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
