I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
