I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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