Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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