Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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