if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
