no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So much Jack, so little girl.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
