party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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