Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
