my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
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just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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