is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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