I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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