Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
