allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize