This is not my ceiling
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
