This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
