How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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