having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
