Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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