I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
