No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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