I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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