Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize