Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
