Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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