he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
