hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
