Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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