i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
