i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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