Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
