Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
