ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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