Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
