Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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