I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
