I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
