If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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