Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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