what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
