FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
40s are totally the cure
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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