just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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