what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
