i just had sex bonerless
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
