yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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