i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
