Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
