So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
