Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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