He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
