If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
please come you make the beer taste better
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
