She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
