Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
