why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
