You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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