Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
