so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Mom said you looked used
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
