wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
