just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
