Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
