I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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