dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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