i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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