did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
