Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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