K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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