If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
