If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
