You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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